7 November 2009 by

Night on Roxbury

1 comment

Categories: Rockford

For those of you not living in the greater Rockford area, many of the details of this post will be lost on you. I hope you at least take something away about the human condition.
Last night I had to take my mom back to her car after being at St. Anthony’s Hospital. My mom works on McFarland Road, so the fastest route is Roxbury to Guilford to Perryville.
By way of backstory, several years ago, the privileged residents on Roxbury lobbied to have speed humps installed on their street to cut down on speeding traffic through their neighborhood. They were successful.
The first time I drove down Roxbury after the speed humps were installed, I drove over the first one at the recommended speed of 15 miles per hour. I bottomed out my 1999 Chevy Malibu. In fact, to this day the plastic shield under my engine is cracked.
I decided for myself that the idea of people having speed humps that large on a street where the speed limit is only 25 was a bit ridiculous. I began my campaign of civil disobedience that very day.
Now, when I drive down Roxbury (which isn’t very often), I slow to about 5 mph to go over the humps, then immediately accelerate to 25 as fast as I can while laying on the horn until I reach the next speed hump. I’ll admit that this is a dick move on my part, but I cannot abide by people with money using that money to get what they want at the expense of the populace at large. If you’re on the northeast side of Rockford, many times Roxbury would be the quickest route for an ambulance to take to get you to St. Anthony’s. Now the ambulances are forced into a longer, more congested route because they cannot drive down Roxbury.
Back to last night: I once again engaged in my standard practice while transporting my mom to her car. This was at about 7 PM, well before Rockford’s noise ordinance goes into effect. Upon reaching the stop sign at Roxbury and Guilford, a man rushed my car and attempted to open my driver’s side door, screaming profanities. I quickly yanked the door back shut and locked it, at which time this “gentleman” advised me that I’d better “keep on moving.” I put my car in park.
I don’t know if this guy was in a car behind me or if he was a disgruntled resident, but he quickly faded back into the night and whatever rock he crawled out from underneath. Either way, the incident ended and I proceeded to turn on to Guilford. Civil disobedience = 1, stupid citizens = 0.
I will once again freely confess that what I do on Roxbury is a dick move. It may even be a misdemeanor disturbing the peace. Yanking open a car door and threatening someone is, last time I checked, assault. What’s more, it’s stupid. If I had a gun in my car, I may have shot this man. If I had a knife, I may have stabbed him. I was incredibly startled by his attempt to force his way into my conveyance.
The next time you drive down Roxbury between State Street and Guilford Road, think of the people that live there. Think of the ridiculously slow speed limit and the ridiculously large speed humps. And think of the sheer insanity the sound of your car horn can cause.
Have a wonderful night on Roxbury.

One Response to Night on Roxbury

  1. nocheapthrill

    My mom works at St. Anthony's and has been pissed about the speed humps ever since they went in. My mom is one of the slowest drivers on Earth, but the ambulance issue is what makes her really hate them. Your horn-laying IS a dick move, but the Roxbury assholes made the first dick move by getting those speed humps put in.

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